Gunnar Eyewear: It Makes You Better

-- Gray Carper (gcarper@med.umich.edu)

Stare at digital displays all day? Feel the crippling symptoms of computer vision syndrome, like headaches, blurred vision, fatigue, dry eyes, or vertigo? Spend sleepless nights wondering how to reduce social awkwardness with coworkers or how you’re going to get that promotion? Then I have just the product for you: a pair of treated glasses from Gunnar Optiks.

Shiny.

Gunnar has been improving lives for nearly a decade now, but you don’t have to believe their corporate-greed-driven marketing mumbo-jumbo - you can take it from me, a fellow MSISer who owns a pair of these and only wants to give you the unvarnished truth.*

Trust me. I’m wearing the product.

I might have grown up left-handed in a West Virginian hillbilly hamlet, but I know improvement when I see it - I work in our Performance & Improvement Management team, after all - and I’m here to tell you that Gunnar glasses have improved my life in an abundance of ways since MSIS gave me a pair last year.

Raise Your Salary by 3%

It’s true. Since I started wearing Gunnars, my salary has increased by 3% and that’s allowed me to buy another pair which I’m hoping will result in a similar pay increase.

Complete Projects On-Time

Every single project I’ve taken on since dawning my Gunnars has been completed successfully by or before the projected delivery date. If your projects are out of control, Gunnars are the solution.

Improve Productivity by 24%

When they first arrived, I performed a scientific experiment to see exactly how much more I get done when my Gunnars are on: During one week, I wore them for 40 hours and left them off the other 128 hours. I found that I got absolutely nothing done while they were off, but I couldn’t stop myself from getting things done when I wore them! In fact, as I write this now I can feel just how productive I’m being!

Enliven Your Work

Working like a drone in an endless hive of drab office furniture can be demotivating and depressing, but you can turn your workplace into an 8-hour party every day when you see it through that golden Gunnar tint.

Learn to Dance

And when that 8-hour party gets started, I just can’t help but boogie.

A rug is being cut.

Make Friends

After Gunnars entered my life, I met and befriended at least 10 new people. Some of them were jerks who just wanted me for my Gunnars, but hey, who can blame them?

Get the Girl (or Significant Other, however you may define him/her)

I’ve been with my girlfriend Clara for a year now, but things were rocky early on and I thought we sure to fail. Once I started wearing Gunnars, though, our relationship blossomed, and now you can’t tear us apart. Unless I stop wearing my Gunnars.

Earn Permanent Residency in a Foreign Country

I’ve been worried for years that Hong Kong would arbitrarily cancel my visa and kick me out, so securing my future by earning permanent resident status has been one of my very top priorities. That finally happened just a few weeks ago, not all that long after I started wearing my Gunnars, and that’s no coincidence.

Still Not Convinced?

Don’t play coy with me - I know you’re convinced - so what are you waiting for? Order yours now and join the workforce of the future!

* Want to know what I really think? I didn’t have symptoms of computer vision syndrome to begin with, but I got my Gunnars as a preventative measure, and I really couldn’t tell you if they are helping or not. They are a little tight, so I sometimes see an imprint of them in my skin when I take them off, but they are comfortable enough that I forget they’re on, so more than once I’ve walked out my door while still wearing them. When you first put them on, you’ll feel similar to when you first put on 3D glasses, but that quickly dissipates as your eyes adjust to the lenses. I know one person who swears by them because she’s less tired at the end of a day wearing them, but that’s the closest to personal evidence you’re going to get from me.